Empowering First Step to Knowing Your STYLE
I know you want to jump straight to the fun part of Style discovery, like creating Pinterest boards, and weekend shopping excursions. But to truly know your authentic style, we have to go below the usual surface level conversation of cute outfits, color palettes, and core closet essentials.
“The first step in knowing your style is knowing what it’s NOT.”
The truth is, you've been "should" on your whole life. A lot. Your true-to-you, super-unique personal style is buried under a pile of "shoulds"...and we need to do some clean-up.
"Shoulds" are style rules and expectations given to us by other people. They are NOT ours, but we carry them around because ( 1 ) we don't realize we're holding and conforming to them, or ( 2 ) we don't feel like we're allowed to drop them. It's time to set that sh*t down!
“These “shoulds” are holding you back and keeping you stylistically confused.”
You know that overwhelmed feeling whenever you attempt a personal style makeover? Blank stare, fuzzy vision, empty brain. Your brain is shutting you down for a reason. Your subconscious conditioning ("shoulds") are blocking the real you that's trying to reach the surface.
Trying to process that huge tangled mess is simply too much too fast. The key is to pace ourselves and purge our pile of "shoulds" one layer at a time. This will lead you to the authentic style and confidence you're craving.
Disclosure: I am NOT a therapist or mental health professional. I’m simply sharing knowledge from working with a trauma informed therapist who loves teaching how the brain works.
“Everyone has a unique list of “shoulds” depending on their life-long influences.”
Below are some common examples of “shoulds” so you can become more self-aware in your Style choices. So here we go...we have some extremely satisfying, validating and empowering purging to do.
WHAT’S NOT YOUR STYLE…
THAT DRESS MOM LOVES
Did your Mom love that dress on you so much that she bought it for you? Our parents mean well, but often they want us to become who they think we "should" be, or play a part that makes the family look good in social settings.
We don't have much control over what we wear as kids. But this behavior often carries into our adulthood. No more! I give you permission to take off the dress! If someone is disappointed in your authentic style vibe, let them be.
“TAKE ACTION: make a list or pull out any items from your closet that you keep because someone else likes them more than you do.”
THEIR FAVORITE OUTFIT
Of course we want to look attractive to our partner (and compliments feel nice too). But if you love your style and your partner wants you to dress differently, then they want you to be someone you're not. And if you start dressing to keep them happy, that's a huge step into self-abandonment-ville.
Our personal style is an expression of who we are at our core. If your significant other doesn't accept you for you, it's time to get the "f" out of there. Purge.
“TAKE ACTION: make a list or remove any outfits from your closet that you only wore to make your partner (or in-laws) happy.”
OFFICE APPROPRIATE ATTIRE
This one is for the entrepreneurs, solopreneurs and small business owners. Who decided "professional" means wearing a fancy suit or a pencil skirt and pumps? Do you really need to throw on a blazer to meet with that client? We are fortunate to have the opportunity to make our own rules in our business. And that includes what we wear!
Do I think showing up to a client meeting looking like a slob is effective? No. But showing up with authentic Style that showcases your personality, rather than your industry norm, will attract ideal clients that resonate with the hell-yes energy you're putting out there.
“TAKE ACTION: make a list or remove any “professional” clothes from your closet that you don’t actually love.”
ANYTHING TRENDY
Trends are the ultimate "shoulds"! Someone you've never met decided what's cool this season and if you don't buy it, you're not cool. That pretty much sums up the influence society has on our lives if we let it.
Trends have nothing to do with your personal style other than offering something new to ponder. Some trends you'll love because they resonate with your true style-self! And that's f*cking awesome! Own it! But don't fall for the seasonal trends trap.
The real definition of "cool" is staying true to yourself and standing out by NOT adhering to the trends.
“TAKE ACTION: make a list or purge the style-suffocating trendy pieces from your closet.”
SO WHAT NEXT?
Becoming aware of your old conditioning is simply the first step in developing your personal style, by letting go of what it’s not. From there you’ll need to get super clear on what your style really is by exploring fashion and discovering what you love.
Check out my Style Intensive where together we’ll do all of that…PLUS we’ll do a closet clean out to purge what no longer fits your style, plan out your Core Closet based on your unique lifestyle, AND we’ll go on an online shopping excursion to start building your dream wardrobe…all in four weeks! Scroll down and click on the image below to learn all about it!