Why is Having Your Own Style so Damn Scary?
Have you ever had a time where a mean girl commented on your outfit? Or a parent reprimanded you for wearing what you liked? Or you were forced to wear something you absolutely hated or felt uncomfortable in just to make someone else happy, or to fit in?
These moments in our lives are why we hide who we are. They are small lessons in how to become publicly acceptable, which we are wired to achieve as children seeking safety. And sometimes these moments become small yet powerful traumas that bury our true selves even deeper than we realize.
“These moments are small lessons in how to not be our authentic selves.”
When I was a kid I had no style. Or so I thought. My friends always had the most trendy tops and expensive jeans that my parents refused to buy. It was the sales rack for me, and the more "lady-like" the better. (ugh, that phrase always gives me the ick!)
I always felt most comfortable in my stonewashed capri jeans, t-shirts, and matching jean jacket (we're talking the 80's and 90's here). I had more guy friends than girl friends. I loved catching snakes and building forts.
I was a cute little tomboy who hated wearing dresses and having curls in my hair. And I thought that was somehow wrong…that I needed to be more like the other girlie girls. Turns out, I needed to be more like me.
To survive social pressures, we hide in plain sight, in clothes that don’t express who we truly are. We let the world “should” on us and suppress us. Because that's what a "good girl" does. And as I've said many times before...f*ck that!!
“To fit in and be accepted, we hide in plain sight. ”
Moving to New York City was my much needed Style awakening. All of a sudden I could be anyone I wanted to be and no one would bat an eye…or an extremely exaggerated eyelash. I was surrounded by a diverse sea of fashion and fabulous street style. And I loved it!! I finally had permission to be myself and I had a million other creative and fashionable people to learn from.
That cute little tomboy? She’s still here…and she was right all along. She had seriously cool style. If I had been encouraged to trust her, to celebrate her, to BE her, it wouldn’t have taken me well into my 30’s to find my true Style-self. As it turns out, MY authentic personal style is the grown up, elevated version of that little girl in jeans and t-shirts.
So next time you have that inner nudge that LOVES an outfit you see on the street or on TV…the one you talk yourself out of buying because you couldn’t possibly pull off that look. Or you can’t be that bold, or sexy, or whatever the reason. Listen to the nudge. It’s always right. That's the real YOU coming through.
“That’s the real YOU coming through.”
And it turns out you don't need to move to the big city to find your style...you simply need someone to help you open the doors you didn't realized were closed inside yourself. (and of course, Pinterest)
When you're ready to come out of hiding and own your authentic Style-self, check out my 4 week Style Intensive. I'll help you open that door you closed so long ago. You deserve to know who you are, love what you wear, and have the confidence to own it in real life.
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